Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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