One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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