You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
