i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
