do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
