I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
try to milk me bitch
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