I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
