I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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