thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
