I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
