the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
