i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
