My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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