your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
