i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
