We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
