a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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