He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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