i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
