Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
