Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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