Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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