the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
