Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
