THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
