It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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