Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
