Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
