the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
