made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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