Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
