there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
