ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
