Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
