I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you win again, gameday.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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