he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
whose parrot is this?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
