At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
