whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
