I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I smell stomach acid.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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