I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
