im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
