PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
where are my eyebrows?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
