could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
