Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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