I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
