He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
