I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
