cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
