she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
