We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Blood and glitter go together right?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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