Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
